We were traveling to a party and I had agreed to be someone else. I have played this game before but this time it didn’t feel right.
Mentally steadying myselfUpon arrival, I mentally steadied myself. Before we exited the car, I placed my cane in the back seat. En route to the house, I stumbled three times on the sidewalk while trying to keep a normal walking pace. But luckily I made it safely without tumbling to the ground.
We met the host at the front door and she invited us in. As we crossed the threshold, I quickly grabbed my partner’s hand. It looked like a sign of love. But the truth is I did it for balance.
The front room of the house was full of fake friends making noise. And despite being surrounded by a group of people, at that moment, I felt so alone.
They only knew the liesEveryone was a stranger to me. Not because I didn’t know them. It was because they didn’t know me. They only knew the lies. The lies he asked me to tell. The one’s that stopped me from being me. The one’s that hurt my spirit.
I’ve been dishonest so many times; my bright eyes have become dim. And when I’m in these situations, I don’t really smile. I don’t really laugh. I don’t really feel. I only concentrate on being inconspicuous. Trying not to let my foot drag. Pushing through fatigue. Giggling at jokes my cloudy mind doesn’t understand.
All the while he keeps whispering, “You are doing so good. You’re perfect.”